Jake had been under the car for at least an hour, and was no closer to capturing the thing that was hiding under there, than he was when the rescue mission began. They had startled the creature (its face had been buried in the cat food bowl) when they walked out of the front door. The frightened animal had scurried off of the porch and under the car. Now, secure in its hide out, it remained obscured in the shadows, just out of Jake’s reach. Maggie had suggested that they should just get in the car go because the animal would run for its life once the engine started, but Jake was adamant about catching it. Now, over an hour later, Maggie’s patience was beginning to wear thin.They were supposed to be meeting friends for dinner and they were going to be late because Jake just had to save whatever it was under there.
“Hey, Maggie, on the porch, in the corner chair, there’s half a blanket. Would you go get it for me, please?” Jake asked from under the car (the bottom of his legs were all that you could see of him). “I’m gonna need it to catch this cat. I think that I can use the blanket like a net, and then I can, kind of, drag him out.” “Whatever.” Maggie thought to herself as she turned and headed for the porch. Suddenly, she heard strange sounds and when she turned her head toward the noise, she saw two giggling 12 year old girls.They were standing beside the car, pointing down at Jake’s legs and giggling. “What are you laughing at?” Maggie asked as stomped over to see why they were pointing. “Oh, hell no!” Maggie snarled, when she got close enough to see the huge zombie cockroach that was perched on the calf of one of Jake’s legs. It was balanced on the crease of a wrinkle in Jake’s khakis. It unblinking eyes stared straight at her as it waggled it’s mottled feelers defiantly in her direction. It was the grossest thing she’d ever seen and what made it really bad was that the feelers were all misshapen and covered in, what looked like, rotted feta cheese.
“You think this is funny?” Maggie asked the 12 year olds while she kept her eyes glued on the un-dead cockroach that was still waggling its cheesy feelers at her. “No.” said the girl who had managed to stop giggling for a minute. “We’re not laughing at that. We’re doing a crossword puzzle and some of the words are so silly. Hey, maybe you can help. What’s an eight letter word for ‘nanant?'” “I have no idea.” Maggie replied. “But, if I were you, I wouldn’t be worried about that right now. You see that disgusting freak show over there? That’s a zombie cockroach and if we don’t do something, it will send out scent signals that will attract hundreds more. We wouldn’t be able to stomp on them fast enough. Now, here’s the plan. I just so happen to have the ingredients for a Greek Salad…”
A half an hour later, Maggie and the 12 year old girls looked down on what was left of the zombie cockroach. Then they looked at each other and got ready to finish the “job.” It didn’t take long and with the carpet tightly rolled and bound, all that needed to be done now was get it out of the house.”The three had made the salad, placed it in the living room and opened the front door.The zombie cockroach caught the scent immediately and couldn’t resist his favorite food. He left Jake’s pant leg, followed his feelers up the driveway, and into the house.The feta had been placed in the center of the salad and, as soon as the zombie cockroach started to engorge itself with cheese, the “ladies” drowned him in olive oil, covered his body with hummus and to be on the “safe side,” they rolled him in some carpet.
Maggie had been so caught up in killing the zombie cockroach that she had forgotten all about Jake. She hoped that he was finally ready to go. She would just toss the carpet into the trunk for now and get rid of it later. When Maggie opened the front door, she was shocked to see that the driveway was empty. Jake, the car and the creature were gone.
Years later, Maggie found out what was hiding under the car that day. It turns out that Jake had run off with a skunk. Nobody ever knew why.